last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Four minutes until I can fart!
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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