i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
4 words: hood of his car
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
