from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Small penises have feelings too.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
