you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
