you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
