my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
