All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
