Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
