dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
