I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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