Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
