did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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