yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
so much tequila, so little girl.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
