i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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