we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
