My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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