But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
