I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
