Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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