I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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