He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
