tell your sister to shave her snatch
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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