I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
