So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
