I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
