This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
