Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
