I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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