Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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