I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Randomize
