We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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