Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
