She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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