The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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