Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
