So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
