My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize