in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
