i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
mondays should just be called national damage control day
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
