The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
