anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
