you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
my poor anus
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
