there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
