he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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