Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
