just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
