i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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