Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
