If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize