Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
