our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
