:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Randomize
