I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
