I'm eating all of the evidence.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
