he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
