I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
