Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
