I CAN MOONWALK!
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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