Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
