I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
