Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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