I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She's the barista slut.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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