You tried to poop in the sink last night.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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