dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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