I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
