How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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