I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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