the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
