is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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