i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
