Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
