I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
