If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
