im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
