Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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