The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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