is your mom at the bar?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
