the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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