There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
