we have pet lesbian snakes
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I wear drunk well.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
