When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You took a bar mat shot.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
