beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
