I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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