yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Randomize
