Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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