I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
