he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
