Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
