this beer tastes like vomit already
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
