He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
