Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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