Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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