Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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