that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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