Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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