oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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