Kiss
Puke
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
