I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
