yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
